The Nuclear Family Emotional Process
The Family as an Emotional Unit
The Nuclear Family Emotional Process, sometimes known as the Nuclear Family Emotional System, is where we all come from and what we all have to deal with, at least to some degree. What does yours look like?
Anxiety and the Herd
In her book, The Eight Concepts of Bowen Theory: A New Way of Thinking About The Individual and The Group, Dr. Roberta Gilbert speaks of the herd mentality. She compares the human family to other families in natural systems, as she says, "The cattle are showing," she says, "by the movement of anxiety through the herd, that they are an emotional system. Anxiety that affects one, affects all."
Understanding what anxiety is might be helpful. Acute anxiety is the fear of what is; chronic anxiety is the fear of what might be.
For example, a family member has been diagnosed with a serious illness and the family anxiety is understandably acute. A person in another family had the same illness and was successfully treated and pronounced "clinically cured." Yet the family members and the patient spend a great deal of time preoccupied with fears of a recurrence.
Again: understandable but chronic, anxiety. Anxiety spreads through the family, pack, herd, or organization faster than any "disease."
Fusion in the Family
Before Dr. Bowen created the Bowen Center for the Study of the Family, in Washington, D.C., he spent many years observing families with a schizophrenic member as the identified patient.
Families complied with his requests to observe the entire family--as a unit--on the hospital ward. From his many observations came the idea that family members fused together, much like cells under a microscope. They tended to do so especially in times of great stress or anxiety. Members struggled to obtain and maintain individuality during times of heightened anxiety.
Furthermore, family members tended to act and think alike, leading Bowen to term this phenomenon the "togetherness force."
Marital Conflict, Emotional Distance, and the Transmission of the Problem to Children
Within the nuclear family emotional system lie a number of observations and thoughts about the process that takes place.
The greatest leverage for change in the nuclear family is the marital pair. They are the ones that drive the process, and progression or regression is often determined by their emotional reactivity.
When they are distant, the underlying problem is often passed on to a child who then becomes symptomatic. When the couple is close (but not too close) and are in communication, the problem can usually be identified as theirs and with great effort can be effectively addressed without making the child the scapegoat.
Developing a Calm Presence
The calm presence that you bring to the situation can change the system for the better. Changing other people is a fallacy.
Changing self for the betterment of the family or organization is the key to progress. If you work hard at calm, thoughtful responses and peaceful acknowledgement of the other person, the family automatically changes because you have.
Understanding the family as an emotional unit, and knowing what you can bring to the family in the way of a calm presence, will generate greater appreciation for self and others.
Sources:
- Gilbert, Roberta. The Eight Concepts of Bowen Theory: A New Way of Thinking About The Individual and The Group. Falls Church: Leading Systems Press, 2004.
Anxiety and the Herd
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