Emotional Cutoff became an independent concept in Bowen theory in 1975. What was often known as "The Generation Gap" was emotional cutoff at its purest. People do their best to manage emotional attachment to their parents and other persons. Sometimes they succeed and sometimes they don't.
The Illusion of Running Away
Bowen believed, "The person who runs away from home is as emotionally attached as the one who stays home and uses internal mechanisms to control the attachment."
Bowen first began to think of cutoff as a separate concept to his theory while observing the large numbers of persons running away from home during the 60s and 70s. What it obviously signals is a high level of intensity in the particular relationship. When people cut off from another, their responsibility for self or differentiation of self is lowered. At that point, triangles begin to develop and the behavior tends to replicate in other relationships.
With Emotional Cutoff, It Takes Two to Tango
Emotional cutoff involves more than just one person
Peter Titelman writes, "Cutoff functions to control and reduce anxiety generated by intense contact - stuck-together fusion - with the family of origin. Cutoff is not created or sustained by a single individual. It takes two or more individuals to sustain a cutoff."
If there is any truth to family systems theory, then it stands to reason that it takes two persons to complete a cutoff. One may initiate it, but the other participates. And sometimes, it is the only way to bring relief to repeated conflict. In that sense, it is the "rightest of wrongs." Individuals, couples, families, churches, and even world governments are guilty of cutoff.
Strengthening of Self Through Reinvestment
What is the benefit of getting back in touch? The person from whom you have been estranged can - even in indirect ways - show you things about yourself that you may have been missing.
Another benefit is that reinvesting time with that person can lead you to other family members that can provide insight on family history. When one understands one's family history better, greater insight and clarity are automatic and interest in learning more often grows. Much family research has been obtained when cutoffs have been bridged.
The Open Relationship Versus the Closed
Open family relationships are those in which members are in reasonable contact with reasonable expectations of the others.
The closed relationship is one that has been smothered by too much contact or starved by too little contact.
Either way, anger builds and resentment grows and family members (or members of other relationships) begin to drift apart.
According to Bowen, one's life course is determined by how much unresolved emotional attachment they have experienced, the anxiety that stems from that, and how they manage that anxiety.
If there is someone in your family with whom you wish to reconnect, try seeing the situation as a research project (because it is) and establish an "open" relationship. You may be surprised where it takes you.
Sources:
- Bowen, Murray. Family Therapy in Clinical Practice. Northvale, NJ: Jason Aronson, 1978.
- Titelman, Peter, ed. Emotional Cutoff: Bowen Family Systems Theory Perspectives. New York: The Haworth Clinical Practice Press, 2003.
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