Coping with Social Shyness
How to Stop Feeling Shy and Awkward
Life is hard for sufferers of social shyness. Simple things like ordering food or asking for directions from a stranger can cause inexplicable anxiety, worry and fear. Here are some useful tips to overcome shyness.
Stop Worrying about What Others Think
Extremely shy people are often worried of what other people think of them. When they enter a room, they feel that everyone else is looking at them and start believing the worst. When they see a group of colleagues talking, they assume they are the subject of discussion. The fact is, most people are too preoccupied with their own lives to think about other people. So stop worrying about what other people think.
Respond Positively to Negative Remarks
Sufferers of social shyness should react positively to negative remarks or attitude from others. Look beyond their negativity. Maybe there is an underlying reason for such harsh behavior – they are having a bad day, their dog died two days ago, they got a salary cut, their car was crushed by a tree, etc. These people may just be taking their frustration out on a convenient target.
Learn to Speak Up
Many shy people are full of brilliant ideas but are hampered by their inability to express themselves. Learn to speak up and share ideas with other people. Practice with close family members and friends first to build up the confidence to speak with other less familiar people.
Find Conversation Ideas
Having faith in yourself will go a long way in making connections with other people. List out your good points and see what points will appeal to others. Also, have a list of topics that people may be interested to talk about. Find conversation ideas by watching the news, reading newspapers and surfing the Internet. The latest hot news is always a great conversation opener.
Make a Change Every Week
Another way to overcome social shyness is by making a personal change every week. This week, greet the old lady who walks past the house every afternoon. Next week, chat with the cashier at the local grocery shop. The week after next, say thank you to the postman and ask how his day has been. By making these small changes, self-confidence and self-esteem will slowly surface. Seeing these positive changes will spur shy people to make other positive changes gradually in their lives.
Meet New People
Join the gym, enrol in a pottery class or do volunteer work to meet new people and make new friends. If going solo is too scary, ask a friend to join in. It’s also a good idea to ask friends to take you out to meet their friends. The feeling of being awkward is somewhat lessened when there are familiar faces around. Make a concerted effort to really talk to others. Again, being armed with conversation ideas will be useful.
Yes, social shyness is a real problem. Fortunately, it is also a problem that can be solved. To cope with social shyness, stop worrying about what others think; respond positively to negative remarks; learn to speak up, find conversation ideas; make a change every week and meet new people. Keep practising and all the shyness and awkwardness will slowly fade away.
Those who find this article useful may also like to read How Shy People can Make Friends and Overcoming Shyness in Children.
Reference:
Samantha McDonald. “Overcoming Social Shyness” in Women’s Health & Fitness magazine. Australia: Blitz Publications, October 2008.
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