Author Melody Beattie, a self confessed codependent, tells how she was placing herself in relationships where she was constantly rescuing other people but neglecting herself, and has written a series of books to help people out of the trap.
Codependent No More
In her first book which became an international best seller, Codependent No More, she describes how codependents act out and gives real life examples from people she has worked with.
Being a recovering alcoholic, she focuses on using the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 step programme to help people come up with a new way of looking at life, living and putting themselves first.
Detachment
The main impetus behind the book is to help people detach from those they love who may be indulging in destructive behavioural patterns, from drink and drugs to abuse. The book takes the reader through a process illustrated with real life stories as well as self help tools.
She actively encourages readers to engage in a 12 step programme and to join Al Anon, the sister organisation of AA, for people who have been affected by someone else's drinking or drug taking.
Self Destructive
Codependency, if taken to extremes, can affect the codpendent as badly as the person with the disease or dysfunction, leading them to self destructive behaviour.
Beattie's argument is that if the codependent becomes independent then the partner, child or other family member will then be free to continue with self destruction or to get better.
She describes codependents she has met as "hurting, confused people who needed comfort, understanding and information. I saw victims of alcoholism who didn't drink but were nonetheless victimised by alcohol."
Her book has become a bestseller with a list of follow up books and meditations which accompany the original.
Crystal Meth Addiction
Beautiful Boy by David Sheff focuses on a codependent's struggle to come to terms with his son's drug addiction. He describes his horror as he sees his once bright, optimistic son Nic become a crystal meth addict and how he gets past trying to constantly rescue his son with the help of Al-Anon.
Although codependency is perhaps a relatively new term, the effects of it have been far reaching, with victims, no doubt from the beginning of time, suffering in silence. Now there is help available for codependents to break free and live life to the fullest.
For more information check www.melodybeattie.org and www.davidsheff.com.
References: Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, Hazelden, second edition 1992
David Sheff, Beautiful Boy, Pocket Books, 2008.
